06 Oct The Gift of Jealousy
The gift of jealousy. Yes, you read right 😉
Jealousy. The emotion we all feel and experience but are too ashamed to admit it to ourselves or those around us. And it shows up so quickly and catches us off guard. A family member announces that they’ve been promoted at work or a friend tells you that she is buying a massive free-standing house. Damn! Just like that, it raises its nasty head. And you feel so shit for even feeling jealous.
Jealousy is a normal emotion and we all experience it more often than we’d probably like to admit. Here’s what I believe though. Jealousy can teach us something if we take the time to work through the initial response. Here’s my take on it. And a little (or not so little) disclaimer – this approach doesn’t inflict any guilt or shame. Rather, we invite curiosity over the harsh self-judgement. Back to my take on jealousy and how to deal with it. Notice when you’re triggered with jealousy and use it as an opportunity to sit with yourself and reflect on where it is coming from. Also remember, we are meant to feel the full range of emotions. Not just the positive, cute ones. Everything, all of them, alles!
So how do you turn your jealousy into something you can work with? I believe we start with reflecting on the jealousy and see what it is trying to teach us. Invite curiosity the next time you’re flooded with those feelings or a jealous reaction. And notice how you move away from the feelings of shame that can keep us feeling trapped and guilty for feeling whatever we’re feeling in the moment, to curiosity.
Here are some ideas for how to invite curiosity and see the gift of your jealousy.
• What was the moment that I noticed my jealousy?
• How did I know it was there?
• Where and how did I feel it?
• What was the trigger?
• What is it teaching me, about me?
• Is there a goal, dream or desire I need to either connect with or reawaken?
• How can I learn from this person?
• What can I learn from their experience?
• What is the gift of my jealousy?
• What is an action I can take in the next couple of days?
• How can I thank my jealous reaction and turn it into something constructive?
Sit with these questions. Give yourself time and space. Capture your thoughts in a journal. And see what new and constructive insights you can nurture from this experience. Most of all, love yourself. You’re amazing!
• What are your thoughts on this approach?
• How do you manage your lived experiences with jealousy?