07 Dec Curiosity and judgement
In my previous blog post, I wrote about curiosity and trust. Now I want to talk about curiosity and its horrible neighbour – judgement! I’ve become really interested in how judgement shapes our lived experience with our own curiosity. Let me share a personal story that I’m sure many of you can relate to.
I was working in a bank as a new employee and it’s common practice to partner a new employee with someone who has been working there for a while. The pairing up is meant to facilitate on-the-job learning as it allows the more established person to show the new person the ropes. And by the way, 70% of our learning happens on the job so by all accounts, this is the best way to learn.
Back to my story, I arrived at Faiza’s desk (not her real name) and her words to me were “I don’t know why Sumaya (our supervisor) put you with me. I’m so busy and honestly don’t have time for this”. I felt like I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole. I felt like a burden immediately. Her judgement immediately created this tension where I felt sorry to be taking up her time but more importantly, I didn’t want to bother her with my questions. This was problematic from day 1 because we know that questions fuel learning and thinking.
One cannot have learning without questions. So, I sat with Faiza day-in and day out during this induction period frantically trying to:
a) memorise everything she told me (think school rote learning)
b) desperately trying to not bother her too much with my questions.
The irony is that had she allowed me to ask questions, we could have quite possibly shorted the induction time because I had a better chance of understanding what I was meant to and understanding my role. Instead, I was constantly in a state of anxiety. When it was my turn to go on my own and take over a portfolio, I was completely stumped. I had this major blockage, was completely overwhelmed and I couldn’t make any sense of how to apply what I had learnt.
What I was experiencing was judgement (amongst other things) from my colleague. And the impact it had on me was devastating. It also become almost impossible to build a great connection with her during that time because I was so scared of her.
I know many of you can relate and have unfortunately had similar incidents in your working experience. In my research, it has become very clear that judgement is a massive challenge and puts a real damper on curiosity.
Sometimes though, we judge ourselves. We might internalise some of that external judgement or maybe we grew up in a home where we were judged harshly. Whatever your reason, internal judgement is even more dangerous.
It’s silent and goes by unnoticed but ultimately stops us from putting ourselves out there and asking what we need to ask. It’s a bit like when we get in our own way.
Next time you feel the self-judgement happening or you’re faced with your own “Faiza” in your organisation, remember this:
Curiosity flourishes when judgement is removed.
So, give yourself license to fully experience your curiosity. And it’s ok if your colleagues don’t appreciate your curiosity. Learn to appreciate it within yourself. Validate yourself. Be comfortable with your innate curiosity, feel it, express it and allow it to show up. You will reap the rewards, believe me.
Embrace your #boldcuriosity.
I, …………………………………………….. (Insert your name and surname), hereby give myself permission to fully embody and experience my curiosity. I do so because I know my curiosity is an asset and it will help me learn, grow and evolve. I believe in my ability to express my questions. I validate myself and hereby give myself permission to ask the questions that come to mind.
I give myself permission to ask the following questions:
1. ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
2. ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
3. ……………………………………………………………………………………………….
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